I'm lost and stupid without you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
