Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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