I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
