he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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