dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
