Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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