it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
