I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
