And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
