K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Duck Duck Cougar?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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