The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
