then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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