Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
