Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
