It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
