I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
