I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
