Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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