i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm always down for nudity.
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