I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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