bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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