I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
