I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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