So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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