That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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