woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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