If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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