I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
