just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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