I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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