He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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