i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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