I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
