I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
