You work out of a Hotel?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am full of burrito and curiosity
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
