ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
