Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
