he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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