i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
