your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
