I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
