thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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