I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I still have a little drunk in my system
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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