i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
