What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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