We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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