super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
