Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
