how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
