My sheets look like a crime scene.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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