Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
