you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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